So Many Ridiculous Things…

As promised, today’s post is all about the various things I’m going to undertake over the next 6 months, in my great “make money from your own home” experiment.

Before I get to the list, I need to say that creating this blog was both cathartic and TERRIFYING. I didn’t know how my friends and family would react. Coming out with your mental illness is a scary, scary thing, and I decided to just rip off the bandaid and show everyone how deep the wound is.

FIERYBRAINCRASH!!! Here’s how crazy I am, people!

But, so far? I’ve only heard from lovely people offering support. And jobs.

I have to say I’m the teensiest bit concerned that my friends are such a recklessly gullible bunch, though. It takes a special kind of someone to say “C’mere, you! You lost your mind? I know you currently can’t be relied upon to take a shower and you’ve been wearing those blue ‘I lost my job’ sweatpants™ for the last 5 months – I don’t care, here’s my money!”

I don’t normally do sincere, but honestly, I am touched. And I don’t mean that in the “she’s a little bit touched in the head” kinda way.

Please understand when I say that while I appreciate the offers, and especially the kindness behind the offers, I am not anywhere close to ready for primetime. The shit-storm in my brain and the cocktail of prescription meds I’m taking prevent me from doing much more than getting out of bed everyday. (If you’ve ever suffered from depression, you know that the getting out of bed thing is an actual accomplishment to be celebrated.)

I also received feedback from friends who were super sweet and tried to gently let me know that the “Make Money From Your Own Home” schemes were just that, schemes.

I may be crazy, people, but I’m not dumb! I know this. I know there are lots of great jobs out there that pay you actual money, not “reward points to be redeemed for magazine subscriptions!” I could probably get one of those great jobs right away if I tried. If I could ever change out of these sweatpants, I’d at least have a shot. The point is, I am not capable of that right now.

In the meantime, I’m moving on with my experiment, which needs a catchy name. I’m open to suggestions, but for now, I’ll just shorten it to MMFYOH. (BTW, I googled MMFYOH to make sure it doesn’t stand for something obscene or racist, and all I got was a spammy site that suggests I practice saying “mafia” and “mauve” to get a sense of the proper pronunciation of MMFYOH. I find this really shady, as the site appears to be targeted to ESL folks who have no way of knowing that MMFYOH isn’t an actual English word. I’m picturing a guy who’s desperately trying to learn to speak English, sitting in front of the computer saying “mafia” all frustrated, thinking “English is so damn hard!” I feel bad for that guy.)

I’m guessing that right about now you’re asking yourself “Wait, what was this post supposed to be about again? I’m not sure how the ESL-guy fits into this?” One of the first things you should know about persons with mental illness is that we are notoriously unreliable narrators. While this post did indeed end up being about So Many Ridiculous Things, they aren’t the ridiculous things I intended to write about.

But, tomorrow! I promise that tomorrow I’ll totally be back on topic! Maybe. I’m kinda crazy, so who knows?

4 thoughts on “So Many Ridiculous Things…

  1. Don’t we all wonder if people see the real self….scary. Of course, real is a bitch sometimes and it touches on the ridge of a little crazy. Our lives have not been the norm by any means and we both have spent a good part of our lives trying to fake normal. I think eating a pound of Oreos and driving to CA was the start of the first chapter of our weird lives. Yes, there was some weird shit before that (when mommy meet daddy crap), but the awareness of weird started there for me. It all started with the 60’s and rolled from there. So, if you and I wrote a book….people would think it was fiction.


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